Starting around 8th grade, after a couple difficult family events, I started experiencing feelings I had never dealt with before. They showed up as depression and anxiety, emotions I didn't understand at the time and that scared me. Mental health wasn't talked about at all, and as a man, I felt like opening up would make me look weak, so I kept everything to myself. Bottling it up only made things worse, to the point where I would cry myself to sleep each night thinking about the different ways I'd commit suicide. Deep down, I knew I'd never do anything, but the emotions felt overwhelming and I didn't feel I had anyone to turn to.

I went through the worst of it in high school, and no one around me had any idea. I was always with friends and family, laughing and seemingly happy. I did well in school and played sports year round. I grew up in a nice house with a loving family. There were no signs that anything was wrong, and I did my best to keep it that way.

After the family issues I mentioned earlier were resolved, my family and I would go for walks around our neighborhood and look at the nice houses with luxury cars out front. Before everything happened, I'd think to myself, "wow, they must have a perfect life." After everything transpired, we'd look at those same houses and say, "you never know what goes on behind closed doors," because that was us. We were the family that looked great from the outside but had our own struggles behind the scenes. Ironically, I was the personification of that, but at the time I didn’t feel comfortable telling anyone. I kept those feelings buried and hoped they would eventually go away on their own.

Mental health issues often stay below the surface until they can no longer be ignored. In some unfortunate cases, people see suicide as their only option. My goal is to support the mission of breaking the stigma around mental health and helping create a support system for those who may not have one, especially men who feel like they have to face these battles alone.

Luckily for me, my parents and girlfriend noticed a major shift in my demeanor toward the end of high school and helped me get the help I didn't know I needed. I started going to therapy and became more open about my feelings. Over time, I've realized not everyone has a support system like mine. The stigma around men's mental health is still deeply ingrained in our society, and it's important to provide outlets and resources to people who don't have someone checking in and asking if they're okay.

I can't say I'm fully clear of my mental health issues. I still have days where I'm stuck in a depressive funk that I can't shake. I still have days where my anxiety builds to the point where I feel like I'm going to explode. Those emotions are still there, but thanks to organizations like Movember, there are more resources and more information available than ever before.

Globally, the rate of suicide is alarmingly high, particularly among men. Too many men are toughing it out, keeping their feelings to themselves, and struggling in silence. Help me stop men dying too young.