Emily Morse, host of the Sex With Emily and Doctor of Human Sexuality, shares tips for you to become the best lover you can be.

Dr. Emily Morse is a sex and relationship expert and host of the top downloaded podcast Sex with Emily. She has helped millions of struggling couples achieve the sex and relationships they desired in order to maintain happiness and longevity. Emily was voted the #1 dating and sex expert by DatingAdvice.com and the #1 dating and sex expert to follow on Twitter, and has proven to be the go-to for all things sex and relationships.
Note: SKYN Condoms is the official Sexual Wellness partner of the Movember Foundation donating proceeds from the sale of SKYN's Special Edition Movember Condoms to support the Movember Foundation. SKYN and Movember share a commitment to creating awareness and engagement around Men's Health issues.

There’s a pesky stigma floating around about men and sex—that they only really care about their own pleasure. I know you’re probably reading this thinking no way does this apply to me, and you may be right. Hey, you’re reading an article about healthy sex, which is a great start!
 
In my experience, this myth of the selfish male lover could not be further from the truth. In fact, I get questions from men every day who want to better please their partners. They just don’t know how to go about it. Of course, every woman out there is a little bit different in terms of what she needs in the bedroom. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to making sure your lover’s needs (as well as yours) are being met. Luckily, there are a few universally-approved moves that can make you a standout sexual partner…
 
Here are 5 quick and dirty tips to help you be the best lover you can be:

1. Make out like you mean it

It’s a sad but true fact that kissing is one the first things that goes in long term relationships. I understand, after you’ve been with someone for awhile you might have the urge to skip the pre-sex activities and just ‘get down to business’. The issue is, kissing is so much more more than a precursor to sex. Kissing actually enhances intimacy with your partner, makes you feel more connected and can even improve your mood.
 
Instead of treating kissing like the mandatory toll you pay to get to more racy activities, channel that energy into really mastering the art of making out. If you’re not entirely confident in your kissing skills, try mimicking your partner’s movements. Just remember to use more lips, less tongue and don’t be afraid to run your hands through her hair or cup her face lovingly—most of us love that stuff.

2. Practice foreplay all day

Say it with me guys: foreplay is not a suggestion, it is a requirement. As in, women require foreplay to fully enjoy sex. I get it, you’re probably good to go at the turn of a dime, or the flash of your partner’s legs when you walk in the door. Unfortunately, that's just not how women are wired. It takes a little bit more time, and a lot more stimulation, to get us revved up for the main event.
 
I always say that “foreplay starts after the last orgasm.” Don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you actually have to be touching, or even in the same room. There are other ways to get women hot that don’t involve manual or oral stimulation (although we definitely like these, too!) What really turns us on is when you stimulate the organ between our ears—our brain. Try sending your partner a sexy text, letting her know what you’d like to do when you see her next (hint: make it easy by referring to a past sexy scenario that really turned her on).
 
You can even use a toy like the Sync by We-Vibe to get the foreplay party started. The wearable Sync allows couples to connect via a smartphone app, so you can control the vibrations that she is feeling without even being in the same area code. When you finally get to connect in person, she will be more than ready to get physical.

3. Go slow… Even slower

It’s no secret that women take significantly longer than men to reach orgasm. In fact, women require about 15-20 minutes to reach completion, while men can get there in 5 or 6, leaving a whole lot of inequity in the pleasure department. So how do you even the odds? For starters, you can take it slow.
 
Whether you’re kissing, caressing or full on making love, slowing down your movements is the secret to longer lasting sex and more powerful orgasms for both you and your partner. It gives you more time to explore her body, find her sweet spots and really figure out what makes her tick. Plus, the gentle movements help bring both of you closer and closer to orgasm without going over the edge. Once the magic finally does happen, the results are explosive, leaving both parties more-than-satisfied.

4. Be prepared

It was true back in the Boy Scouts and it’s every bit as true now: Always be prepared. Of course you should never enter into any situation EXPECTING sex, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to have everything you need on hand. And yes, that means carrying condoms.
 
Many men site decreased sexual pleasure as the reason for skipping on prophylactics. But when the alternatives are STD’s or unwanted pregnancy (just to name a few!) it’s clear that it’s in everyone’s best interest to learn to how to work with them to make protected sex more pleasurable. To start, finding the RIGHT condom is paramount. If you really can’t stand the feel of latex, SKYN Elite Condoms are thinner and softer, making them the closest feel to wearing nothing at all. Adding a very small drop of a water-based lubricant to the inside tip of the condom minimizes friction, making it feel a lot more comfortable on. And don’t stop there—once you’ve got the condom on, gently applying a bit more lubricant to the outside will enhance the sensations that might have been dampened by using the condom in the first place. And as an added bonus: this November, SKYN has partnered with the Movember Foundation to create a Special Movember Edition of their 12 pack box. With each purchase a donation will be made to the Movember Foundation).

5. Communicate

One of the biggest complaints about sex is that one or both partners aren’t getting their needs met. This is usually because there is a communication issue. You might be able to talk about everything with your partner: where to go on the next vacation, what to eat for dinner or which TV series to binge on next. When it comes to sex, however, we often find ourselves tongue-tied.

Your partner is not a mind-reader, and should not be expected to intuit your every sexual need—and vice versa! If you’ve got something you’ve always wanted to try, are curious about what your partner really wants, or you just want to check in about whether you’re aligned sexually, communication is the best way to get the ball rolling. You can start by asking your partner about her own fantasies. What has she always wanted to try? From there, you can see where the conversation leads. Try sitting down with her and making a sexy bucket list, including three things you’d like to explore together. Sharing your fantasies and desires with your partner will directly increase intimacy, and inspire plenty of new sexual adventures.



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